New Friendships

I've recently (the past 6 months or so) been searching for something in my life to more complete the emptiness that I've felt, for almost all my life. I'm not talking about a feeling of lack of love, or family and friends, I have more of that then I'll ever understand how to fully enjoy. I'm talking about the deep down gut feeling of lack of fulfillment; in myself as a person. I've always been the type to read self help books, and try to find reasons for this emptiness.

This time around I've tried a different approach. I began a bible study this past June with a group of women. I was a little hesitant at first, I'm not an educated person when it comes to religion, and in return do not feel quite comfortable with the subject. But something in me was pulled towards this study. We did an 8 week study, Kelly Minter's No Other Gods.

Since this study I've been learning about the power of prayer, and what it really means to live by God's word. I never would have thought I would have been someone to have a belief or faith in something I couldn't touch or see. I was so close minded to learn about something that was out of my comfort zone. My curiosity is like a kid in a candy store though. The things I've been learning about myself, and how God really can help with insecurities, and that really insecurity is just a lack of faith has really brought  understanding to why I have felt this way my whole life.

I'm still trying to wrap myself around the idea of God... (Here's to Breaking Free, with Beth Moore! the current study I've been enjoying) I think that I will for a bit until I understand what it means to be a person of faith. But I think Gods really showing me the power he has. I've been praying about certain things that I think only he can help us with and he's showing himself to me. My emptiness, isn't as empty... Its corny but my quality of life has improved amazingly. I also think a bonus in all this, I'm able to meet people and build friendships with some amazing women.

I'm pretty sure this was his plan, I'm just amazed I am actually able to be part of it. A relationship is a 50-50 participation, you need to believe in one another and it takes two to get to know each other. So here's a cheers to getting to know you! (and God!)

To try again or to wait?

Abbey 1 year old

Abbey is 13months already. Time sure does fly. I remember her turning 6 months, and my pregnancy felt like it was just yesterday. Now a year has flown by and  I barely remember what my it was like to be preggers. Every now and then I remember the little things that made being a mom-to-be hard. Like the never ending, all day, "morning sickness" (by the way whoever came up with that name must have been crazy, cause my sickness was morning, noon and night!) I also remember the fun things, like the feeling of the baby moving and hiccups. And now that I'm going down memory lane there's also the horrible swollen ankles, the strict diet I had to follow because I had gestational diabetes, and the bed rest. Lets just say, my first pregnancy would make some woman never have another. Ok maybe I just answered my question? Am I crazy to want another?

Abbey 2 Weeks Old

There is definitely a baby bug in the water though, and I think I've had a few glasses.

Here's why the question is lingering Right now... 

1.     We "planned" on getting pregnant around summer time in 2011, but unexpectedly, we won a trip to Mexico for October 2011. So... Do I really want to be pregnant while in Mexico? And really if all goes as planned I'd be 2 - 3 months by then, and the first trimester always stresses me out. A lot can happen in such an important time in the baby's growth during those first 3 months. Will I be relaxed enough to enjoy our trip? And, will I have a moment that I'm not nauseous to enjoy the trip? - Plus side to waiting, Abbey and the baby will be around 2 1/2 yrs apart like we wanted.
2.      We aren't really ready right now, but then again when are you ever "ready" for a baby?! But if we tried now we would have another summer baby, and by the time we go to Mexico that baby will only be around 2 - 3 months old. Atleast there will be no sickness, but I will be breast feeding, and we would have a new born. Abbey and the baby would only be about 2 years apart maybe a little less. Plus side to getting preggers now, I wont be pregnant in Mexico and I can have a fancy drink on the beach with everyone else.
3.      My weight. I'm not the daintiest lady around these days. I know that I could use to lose a few pounds. And my doctor has recommended the same before we go get knocked up again. Plus side to waiting - I'd have time to shed some unwanted fluff and I'd be a healthier mom-to-be. 
4.      I would love to be preggers with my friends. I know this is a selfish reason for not waiting, and shouldn't really be the deciding factor but.... I'm so stinkin' happy for all of my lovely friends that our pregnant right now. It makes me want to have a bun in the oven too! Maybe I can get this bug out of my system as soon as I hear about the morning sickness and lack of wine tasting they are experiencing.

Of course I really should just leave it all up to timing, chance and what God has in store for us. But Its just so tempting to throw all plans out the window and go for it!?

I guess the answer for now is too wait. I'm a hard crowd to please though, my pro's and con's are really battling it out in this one!

Whats wrong with a little Mix, in all the Routine?

Its been a long day... enjoyable, but long. Didn't quite turn out as planned. Woke up, Abbey slept in (2nd day in a row) until 7:30am, I in turn got an extra 20mins of shut eye. Took 10 whole minutes laying bed anticipating the best sound a mom can wake up to; Abbey's jibber-jabber, and what I like to call, her morning wake up songs. Morning routine goes as planned, a little breakfast (homemade pancakes of course), a little bit of "M-I-C-K-E-Y!!!!, M-O-U-S-E", go to get the clothes for the day and I'm stopped in my tracks to the bedroom with a loud Bang against the front porch. I run and look out the window and to my dismay, 4 trucks, 6 tree cutters, and one man with a clip board are all standing in the parking lot of our complex. Of course the 4 trucks are parked covering every last square foot of space in the parking lot. 2 Monster trucks with mean looking grinder things are park directly behind my car. I open the front door, and there is a tree lying on my front door step. I am stuck. In my own house. How long will I be stuck here? What if I need to go to the store? What if there's a fire? (ok I might be exaggerating here a bit but I was seriously thinking this!) I was mad. Yes, we did get a letter from the HOA stating that these tree mongrels would be here, but the letter clearly stated that they would be located in the EAST parking lot, not in MY parking lot!!

I was going to be one of those obnoxious residents and go yell at them in my pjs, slippers and baby in arm, but then it clicked. Hey - I can work from home, its a sign that I need to take sometime and spend the day with my ever so happy and lovable little girl. So, thats what we did, we stayed in our pj's until noon, watched a little Handy Mandy, and danced to the Hot Dog song. I got a few hours of work done while Abbey napped, and the day was over all pretty darn good. Days like these made me realize how luck I really am, to have the job I have, to have my family and friends. I really had a moment to reflect on all the good in my life. I guess sometimes we all need to be stuck at home and really enjoy our kids. Work, school, and routine will still be there tomorrow.

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Hey all, if you haven't noticed, I've started a blog. I tried to do a family website, but it just didn't pan out like I was hoping. Plus, my computer decided it wasn't a fan of updating new posts or additions so it really decided for me to say goodbye to the website. I'm hoping to keep family, friends and whoever stumbles across this, up to date with our little family events, and some of my interests. I hope you enjoy and come back! Lets keep my fingers crossed that I can keep this up! :)